Waiting

Waiting for payments I made to show up so that the credit card debt drops a bit further. Waiting for next month for another paycheck to knock down the debt further. Waiting for months and a year to pass to get out of this frigging mess.

But what am I doing while I am waiting? Waiting is dying. I’ve got a life to live — and it has a termination date. I need to keep living.

So I’ve been thinking about how to think and feel while I am going through this process, how to keep focused without losing my life.

At this moment I’m thinking that the way to do this is to meditate and focus on living minimally, taking pleasure in life that does not need lots of stuff.

Perhaps the underlying problem is not being able to live with what is but always wanting something else, thinking I need something else.

So, let’s meditate on this: I already have everything I need. I am, every day that I live well within my means, losing debt and creating wealth.

Breathe. It’s going to be fine. It is fine.

Breathe

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What I bet will be a key to my success: regular morning meditations. I’ve been doing this a few weeks. One week into my new practice a Vietnamese Buddhist friend told me how simple it was. Just focus on one thing, drop all the tension, keep the eyes open and gazing at something nearby. Then slowly breathe in, then out, very slowly, and with each breath count. Count 50 breaths. See how long that took — maybe ten minutes? — then if you’ve got time, do it again.

Sometimes I will add in positive thoughts, a word I breathe in thinking I am making it happen now. My favorites: wealth, beauty, space, and time. Yes, every moment I’m living simply I am creating wealth. Every loving attention to my health I am creating more beauty. Every thing I do intently and with dispatch, creates more time. Every bit of clutter removed makes more space.

I have superpowers.