Woke II

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I’ve been blogging here for a few months. And the post that means the most to me is Woke. Click here for the link. I talked about feeling like I had just woken up on the railroad tracks.

I feel like a drunk who just woke up in a car parked on top of a railroad crossing. My previous reality seemed so sensible. Go to a store, plunk down a credit card. Harbor a fantasy that I could easily pay for all this.

Every month when I opened the credit card statements I was in a bit of shock that all those little charges, many $10, $20, $30, could add up to thousands. And our $10,000 net monthly income never seemed to have quite enough to cover what we had incurred. So I paid as much as I could, but not all.

And that bit got added to the previous bit and folded into the next bit., which eventually added up to tens of thousands.

Today I got a call from Bloomingdale’s to tell me about their friends and family sale, no doubt because I distinguished myself as someone who spends an insane amount with their credit card.  I was nice to the young woman calling, but thinking inside myself, no way. No way. No way am I going shopping when I don’t need anything. I am done with that. I am focusing on every single penny. I’m like a crazy person who makes herself drive by Ace Hardware when I really truly absolutely want to stop and buy some hostas and soil and herbs and maybe some more azaleas. No, I’m not  stopping at Ace and I’m not coming to your friends and family sale.

But I just thanked her politely for letting me know and ended the call. Likely she is suffering too.

_______

Caveat: many of those clothes i got on impulse at Bloomingdale’s  were by Eileen Fisher. They are great, amazing staples of my wardrobe, which make it super easy for me to go a year without shopping for clothes and such. So at least in my profligacy I did make some wise choices.

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